House 13- Silvers Road,
West End, London,
Dear Andrew Peters,
 Did you know that Peter was one of the apostles? I so dearly hope that you receive this letter in the best of your health and spirits.
Letters are so very convenient and yet I decided to touch the medieval undertone with a suitable medium ( I can swear I hoped for a delivery pigeon before posting this). Catching up with old friends is very regular but catching up with regular friends is not indeed very old. However the contents of this letter are very delicate and the matter ever-so-pressing. Let’s start with the theme of the script- “CUCKOLD”. In retrospect it does sound harmless and a teensy bit birdy.

So, it seems that you’ve been sleeping with my wife. Don’t be unsettled!!! I’ve known this for quite a while now, and to be fair to common knowledge , sharing a pelvic interior does make us fraternal(almost), if not twins .It’s a very good thing really. Excellent would be a more worthy suffix if not for the syphilis that she might have shared with you.
Moving on to the serious sphere of discussion here , it so happens that you left your prized , big foot, Swiss, sock (with a pirate cross and a penguin) in my dress-bin. When I discovered it I couldn’t help myself and was tempted to let my loved ones give it a try . My dog, Andrew (your namesake, he had to be neutered due to cancer) displayed a peculiar liking for the garment. The peculiarity lies in the impeccable synchronization between the sock’s appearance and Andrew’s bowel movements. Oh!!! He shits like a dragon at the sight of the sock. The first instance when Andrew crapped on the pavement, I was gloveless. The only cloth I could get hold of was your furry little sock. Needless to say I had to use it to clean the shit off the floor. From that day on, every time the dog feels the need to do the deed he goes berserk with the sock(the other one of the pair).It has done both of us a great deal to avoid long walks in the play park. Therefore it was imperative that both Andrew and I extended our gratitude for your pensive possession. The package that must have arrived with this letter contains the other sock which I had saved (untouched, unperturbed from Andrew’s first experience) .
General curiosity begs to state the question as to why I withheld the information about my wife’s infidelity. It just so happens that ever since the two of us started stabbing the same sin cave, I’ve had my fortunes shower wealth on me. So in better judgment of my ever so Jewish upbringing I decided to tread in benifit of wealth.Acquiring the aforementioned wealth was not as much of a problem as securing it off future alimony. Ideas came floundering in. A plan of action followed and voila!! I was ready to smoke her. All I needed to prove was that she had been committing adultery while planning to abandon me by stripping me of my wealth.
Following this I wired my whole place up.I fixed cameras in my bedroom at all possible angles; and I waited(For every extra teddy with glitzy eyes, I received an extra minute of head).In your many preachy encounters with your enormous(kudos) Swiss sock she did in fact discuss robbing me of my fortunes. Sparing no expense on the quality of the recordings, I’ve filtered all the unnecessary details(except your safe word- “Jesus” !!! nice touch apostle).However It is the performance that holds the key, and allow me to hand it down to you that the athleticism portrayed in my bed were real match winners. Out of respect for your abilities and art form I decided that I’d share the money that I earned by selling these videos with you. If you’d be so kind as to suggest an appropriate title for each of these videos, I’d be highly obliged. There might be another toothpick in your veal though, justust for the sake of Socratic equilibrium I was tempted to share some of the money with your wife.You need not worry though, your half wasn’t affected. Upon the carnal revelation I had no choice but to confirm whether you had received those lessons between the sheets or it was gift from providence. Quite visibly infuriated she suggested she and I return our respective cuckolds the favor. So we followed it up with a little act of ourselves.Although I wasn’t as marketable as you, your wife’s mammaries did fetch us a good price.So the $1600 in the envelope are yours and the remaining $2000 are hers.Have a nice ,blissful, STD-free, married life .
Yours affectionately,
Lucifer
P.S.- There are only 2000 dollars in the envelope. The $1600 were donated to the UNICEF in your name for fighting against STDs in Africa.
P.P.S.-I gave the syphilis to her.